Second Life is my happy place. I can leave my troubles behind and just enjoy the fantasy world I am making and discovering there. Some days it feels like it is the only place where I feel free. The only place where I can really connect with people. The only place where I really feel loved.
But on stressful days usually the one thing I want is more time in SL, but I don’t always have enough freedom in RL to fit it in. Or when I do I might get rudely jerked back to reality, which leaves me more stressed than if I hadn’t bothered in the first place.
Then when I do come on I start to bring my RL problems with me. Which spoils it for my SL friends who want that same carefree fun escapism that I want from it. I myself said it has to be about fun. I’m a hypocrite.
Today two hours into the morning today I found myself in tears, and having blocked someone. Probably an overreaction, in hindsight. I bet that made them feel really shitty. I know I would hate it. I probably wouldn’t have done it if I’d been in a good place personally. I care too much about what other people think.
Is this working for me? If I’m having a bad day like today maybe I should stay back here in reality and suck it up. Running away from that just makes it worse, or brings old grumpy pants into the fantasy world, which nobody wants. RL first everyone says. Yep I know.
And then there’s the messed up truth that events in SL itself feed back into how I am feeling. I am probably expecting too much.
I probably need some time off. Well, maybe a good night’s sleep will fix half of it. But staying away is hard, especially with social media giving a window into it all – the people you love having fun in your absence.
I’ll have a think once I have slept. Hopefully in the morning I will just feel a bit embarrassed on re-reading this, delete the blog post and snap back into my usual self.